Recent On Essays

Have High Self Esteem, Have Confidence, on Writing My Way Out of Despair

To: You

From: SA

Subject: Love Yourself

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This is a blog post for anyone. I don’t know why, but I was lead to write this for someone because I think, more often than not, we forget what genuine confidence and self-love happens to be. And, as a writer, the only way I can get through to you is through my words. So, allow me to share with you some advice that you can carry throughout your day.

When I write,

I’m writing to exhale.

I’m writing to escape.

I’m writing to energize.

I’m writing to you.

I was today years old when I figured out that I’m just now learning how to really love myself, and what that really means. It smacked me in my face. I found myself constantly thinking bad thoughts about myself, “Oh, what if I don’t get accepted into grad school, my pieces are good but not that good…” the, “I still don’t have a boyfriend, something is wrong with me,” and, “I’m not good enough… I’m still growing, I still have so much to work on.” None of these thoughts were positive, I found myself tweeting tweets that were self-loathing, feeling upset about what I would wear, and just overall not happy.

These thoughts were making me feel as if I hadn’t accomplished anything, I still had miles to go, and I wouldn’t get as far as I would like. But, I had to check myself. You know the old saying, “check ya self before you wreck ya self.”

But, I’m sure I’m not the only one. In fact, I was lead to write this post for someone because as I have been spending more time running miles what I have found is that there are so many of us who suffer from a bug. This bug is known as low self-esteem.

I see this bug in so many faces. Faces that look to be confident and all put together but on the inside are still trying to make sense of themselves. And, you know they suffer from it because they start to compare what others have, what they need to fix about themselves, and never really feeling complete.

The reason why this bug is just as common as influenza is because we are surrounded by messages every. single. day. that says we aren’t enough. We need to spend more money, read faster, think less, scroll longer, process more, stress more, and sleep less. Ads drill this into our heads, politicians have built it into the way that we run our lives, and our peers further it by social expectations.

Capitalism says that we don’t make enough, while our favorite celebrities tell us that we aren’t dressed right. In elementary school, there’s a beginning pressure to “fit in” with those of our age group by meeting expectations of ignorance. And, yes, it is ignorant to think that we are to model our lives off of music videos and say the “cool” words that rappers are reciting in versus.

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The sad, sad, thing about this is that if we don’t align with what those around us are doing then we get made fun of. We get told that we’re “different,” that we don’t know who we are, and that we’re “weird.” There are so many labels to pass around and it’s sickening to think that those labels can stick with us everywhere we go if we don’t break free from this mentality of “fitting in.” And, as a recluse, you begin to not like yourself.

For a long time, I didn’t want my hair. I didn’t want my skin. I didn’t appreciate the way that I was shaped. I didn’t think that my hair was the “right” texture, or that my skin was light enough, or that I had enough boobs. In my mind, I was too small, too black. And, I know I’m not alone with this mentality. But, that’s nothing more than the whitewashing that our culture in this country has done to us. It has taught us to be nothing more than the embodiment of nothing.

If you think about it, if we don’t like the shell that God has placed us to live inside of then how can we be anything more than this? How can we be something? 

Well anyway, I wrote my way out. I wrote my way towards confidence, high self-esteem, and happiness. I wrote my way out of despair.

And now, I’m writing to you. I’m writing to you to tell you that you’re beautiful just the way you are. When there’s people laughing at you, telling you the things that you could be doing, or giving you speeches about who you should be just know that it’s coming from a place that they haven’t healed. In your beauty, you will find contentment and peace with knowing that each day you’re alive you do all that you can do.

When you begin to accept who you are something magical happens. It erases the need to overexert. Overexertion can take the form of any personality trait, it can be a person that’s the loudest in a room, a person who has to be the messiest or another that needs constant attention. Overexertion is tiring and the only way to heal it is to feel the lowest depths of your soul during introspection.

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Facing yourself is a scary thing because it is hard to admit when you have something that you need to fix, however it can be done. In those times of silence, what you will find is that the more time you spend contemplating then the more awareness and control you have over your life.

Having confidence is important. Your confidence guides just how serious people take you. If you feel there’s an area that you want to be more confident in then having the willingness to practice or do the work is what will get you there. Accomplish the goals that people don’t want you to achieve because confidence is nothing more than the brother of esteem.

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I like to think of esteem as a willingness to be vulnerable with self. The vulnerability that you feel in the silence of your room is what allows you to be confident and comfortable in your skin. Through the vulnerability that you experience on the inside, you can heal and help so many people around you. Your self-esteem will heighten because you will know you at your core.

If you are of high esteem then there’s nothing that you can’t accomplish, but more than that, you’re willing to love yourself during the process. There are things that you won’t tolerate, there isn’t any settling to be done, and you know that you are deserving. Realizing the importance of your value directs your attention towards doing what is more fulfilling to you. It makes you value your time more and choose what kind of people to be around. You become picky, your self-esteem should be so high that people naturally know not to vibrate certain energies around you.

There are ways to improve self-esteem they can be any of the following:

  1. Write in a diary– this is always my go to because bottling everything up makes it hard to understand what needs to come out in order to move forward
  2. Take a run– you’ll be surprised at how vulnerable you become with yourself when you’re spending time jogging, sweating, and pushing yourself towards the next fitness goal.
  3. Prioritize alone time-– in silence, without the phone ringing, you can get a lot done, but more than that, taking time to just be with you will realign you with your values
  4. Go outside– nature has a way of making you understand your place in the world, but more than that, you’ll feel grounded to Earth which means your role will be revealed to you the more time you spend outside.

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So, it’s back to school season and children are off to classrooms with peers that will bully and pick on them. At a young age, they are being taught to either blend in or stand out which means they’ll feel shame and loneliness for who they are. What are the words to be said to these innocent souls in order to help them blossom into healthy beings? Do we tell them to give up? Do we encourage them to fight others? Or, do we look them in the eyes and let them know that they are beautiful?

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A Beautiful Soul,

is typically

rooted in the insecurities

of others

withering by the day

being fed rain

as peers reflect rainbows

of picture perfect

sunny weather,

as they are

feeling insignificant,

as the others all laugh

placing them

under the pressure of

not being enough

when they have

more than enough

to offer

 

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water them with love

kindness

and pleasure

because you never know

when they can be taken from

Earth.

 

4 replies »

  1. I relate so much to this post! The last paragraph reminds me of my teaching job. My teaching job has helped me feel a new sense of confidence I didn’t have before teaching. But I also feel a huge responsibility because as the class leader (manager), I know that all of my actions and words will affect my students. I make it a priority to remind them that they all have strengths and talents, and that it’s okay to make mistakes that it’s all a learning process.

    I like how you mention “not being enough,” capitalism, and the mask of confidence. I’m still learning from my journey of self-growth, but more and more, I’m finally accepting that any change I want to make starts inside me.

    Like

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